It is the valuable information
- by Arashicage
- 3 comments
When I was pregnant, the last place I expected to find myself was on Tinder. Honestly, I still wanted to be desired by the opposite sex and have that feeling of wondering what a date might lead to—a hookup, a holiday romance, a love affair—rather than letting my pregnancy turn me into someone who was OK with feeling overlooked. Plus, my posse of girlfriends was neatly divided between those who were shacked up with long-term partners and those who were still hitting the playing field hard. What I wanted was to enjoy digital dating before my days were filled with changing nappies and taking naps. Otherwise, it was probably none of their business. So at eight weeks' pregnant, I started swiping. First, I hit it off with an actor who I met for iced coffee one sticky summer afternoon.
How in hell is it gonna exit my vagina?
There goes my promotion. And trust us, she wants to hear all about that… eventually. But that conversation—sorry, fellas— will have to wait. This conversation happens now. Situation: You had a fling. Mistakes were made.
Keep them there. Call your brother, best friend, anyone besides the bun-in-the-oven party, and vent to him. Of course, I panicked and started crying.
Do the opposite of that. A lot of dudes try to solve the mistake. Make a plan to talk again tomorrow or maybe the next day. Use the time to weigh what both of you are thinking, and come up with a plan. If she wants an abortion, she will bring it up. You risk coming across as a real sleaze.
Offer to help pay. Or pay entirely. Fun fact! Women can spot for weeks after an abortion. Go if she wants you to. And offer transportation. Please help! Have sex in the bathroom on your first date? Elope after one month? Sorry, but dating while pregnant is kind of in that realm. Naturally, I do know a woman who successfully dated while pregnant and met a great guy who wanted to become a father.
Lucky her. Personally, I think pregnant dating would look a lot more like this. If anything, I have great sympathy for you, as well as admiration for your can-do attitude. What you seem to have barely considered is not simply how YOU feel about this situation but how MEN would feel about dating you at this time. Your love life should and will take a backseat until your youngest is in preschool and you will be a single mom who is a perfect fit for a single dad in a similar situation.
"I reasoned it was wrong to tell him I was pregnant by a sperm donor via I find myself with newly shifted standards that mirror my new life path.
I agree with Evan that being pregnant is likely to lower your odds of success. Mentally prepare yourself. Play it up. Mention it in the first paragraph of your intro. I have no clue. This seems like uncharted territory. This reminds me. What I am about to say is more than likely going to ruffle a few feathers. A woman with children from more than one man has always been a deal breaker for me.
What is so special about Jenny that she is worth that much hassle? What is she able to give a man that he cannot get from another woman with high school-age or older children?
A mid-forties to mid-fifties man is not looking to get involved with a woman who has an infant unless she is a something hottie, and a sub-age 45 man is not looking to get involved with a forty-something woman.
That is pure lunacy, especially if he already has children. I underwent sterilization in my early forties, and my twins were not born until I was My twins are my only children.
Jenny, do not let ANY of the negative responses affect you. Go with what you want inside you. I am not saying that I would get involved with a something hottie. What I am saying that is I cannot think of a reason why a mid-forties to mid-fifties man who already has children would get involved with a woman with an infant unless she was unobtainable without an infant. It is a minimally-invasive procedure that guarantees that there will be no unplanned pregnancies.
I met the father of my soon to be born baby boy on a blind date and was pregnant within the first month of us dating. Skipping past all the. I started dating my boyfriend in January and found out on Mother's Day I'm pregnant. Anyone else in the same boat/same ocean?! I do feel li. Babies change everything. Here's how to make sure they change your love life for better, not worse.
It is foolish for most men to continue to be sexually active after age 40 without undergoing sterilization. I cannot think of a reason why a mid-forties to mid-fifties man who already has children would get involved with a woman with an infant.
I know a guy who had 2 kids of his own — he was a widower. His wife passed away and left him with a toddler and a newborn on his hands. He got involved almost immediately with a divorce from their town who had 4 kids of her own.
They raised this huge family together, all wonderful kids. YAG, I would agree with that. He should also be proactive in the disposal of condoms to ensure that they cannot be tampered with for a specified amount of time. I think the LW may also face a challenge with potential partners being able to come to terms with the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy — even if the man has no issue with the LW raising an infant child. She said she was practicing safe sex, which I assume means that the father was wearing a condom although it could mean other things, of course.
However, it is improbable that someone that age could conceive with proper condom use. Many a level-headed man will wonder about the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy — fair or not. Of course there is always an example we can find where it worked out…. But my other question is, why would you even WANT to date while pregnant? What could possibly be in it for you? Dating takes time, energy, resources, etc…you already have two young kids and one on the way…and how are you going to divide this time effectively between a newborn, two young children, a man who you intend to coparent as friends, an ex husband and a man you are newly dating.
By the way, I personally believe that getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term out of wedlock at age 44 demonstrates a lack of common sense, especially when a woman already has children. As an older father, I am acutely aware of the implications of bringing a child into the world later in life.
It is a risky proposition, regardless of the angle at which it is viewed. People drop dead in their fifties and sixties without warning. I have already lost male and female friends. I agree. How is she going to raise two older children, run her own business, care for an infant and manage to date? I had the same situation with a man who had children from his first two marriages.
It is worse for a guy because men can be incredibly territorial when it comes to their children. Keeping one ex from going Cro-Magnon is difficult enough without having to deal with the threat of two or more fathers going full-on primal.
Dating a woman with children from multiple men can be like walking through a minefield that is triggered by stress hormones. I once dated a wonderful man that had a sweet, adorable 4 year old son.
Shortly after we began dating, his ex got an extreme DUI while the son was in the car. He literally had to go pick up his son from the police station in the middle of the night and became a full time time fighting a nasty custody battle.
I agree with you. As a 42 year old woman with twins who will be on their own in a few years, the idea of getting involved with a man with a newborn on the way from another woman, is completely out of the question.
I got fixed too after my 2nd kid.
Getting fixed totally eliminated a huge source of anxiety. I had an IUD before and loved it. So I had to go back in to the doctor and have the wire shortened.
After that, things were great. Studies have shown that when people have access to long term or permanent contraceptives that are affordable and available, they choose more effective long term methods over shorter term, less reliable methods.
As a result, unplanned pregnancies can negatively affect men far more than women. Furthermore, immediately after intercourse, the man should put the used condom in a bag and lock it in a safe until the next day. That said, I agree that a significant percentage of men behave recklessly when it comes to having unprotected sex.
GoWiththeFlow maybe? Will the male pill be available anytime soon? Another thing men can do is to organize and lobby for research funding for safe, reliable, reversible male contraceptives.
Not like viagra was. That should be the aim. So unless you were sleeping with impoverished women suffering from drug withdrawal symptoms, you were probably overreacting! It will essentially leave a man with unfunctional sperm. Then when a man wants to have kids, a second compound is injected that dissolves the blockage. It has been tested in animal models and hopefully will enter preliminary testing in men—the beginning of clinical trials. Hopefully one of those trials will produce results. Thanks for explaining why this is the case.
How great would it be if guys could get a contraceptive implant and then have worry free sex for a few years! Like playing Russian roulette. As a result, one simply cannot be too careful. All with quite low risks of pregnancy! The problem with sex is that it is illogical! I do agree that anything that adds to the risk element can add an additional thrill that is tempting to some.
Parsemus foundation is in the process of creating a no scalpel, reversible vascectomy. Non human primate studies finished in Chance -Furthermore, immediately after intercourse, the man should put the used condom in a bag and lock it in a safe until the next day.
Why not just flush it? Do you still do this with your GF of five years?
Newly dating and pregnant
Flushing it would just seem like a natural thing to do, or you could rinse it out in the bathroom sink, put a dollop of handsoap in it and put it in the trash can. Your question reminded me of a story told by a plumber who had been called by a husband to fix plugged toilet plugged worse than the normal way husbands plug toilets.
There was a large wad of condoms blocking the pipe. My brother-in-law has three ex-wives. Each one of them got pregnant without his consent as an attempt to keep him from leaving them. According to who? Highly unlikely. Of course, he could just be THAT unlucky. The three ex-wives exist. His three sons exist. If you match up their dates of births with the dates of his divorces…. Some of it was colossally poor decision making … like getting married at It was a survey of 5, women in the UK average age I found a Manchester Evening News article that referenced the survey, that particular statistic, and a few other statistics.
I also found a BBC article that referenced the survey and a few statistics, but not that particular statistic. Karl R — LOL on the joke. And no, I am not some women-hating, male identified woman, who pals around mostly with guys, and dislikes most women. Not ALL women of course. And of course men have their gender specific lies, and not ALL men of course. My ex-husband asked me if I wanted children when we were dating.
He was dating for a wife and mother of his child. He was delighted when I said yes, I would marry him and have his baby. We waited until he had the job he wanted and bought a house. Largely, the only things that should be flushed down the toilet are urine, feces, and toilet paper. Do I trust my partner? However, I am also realistic in that I understand that many men who were surprised by happy accidents happened to trust their partners as well.
As a result, I understand that I cannot trust my trust. Rather, this is about the fact that a man has absolutely no recourse in the event of an unplanned pregnancy, and therefore, the man cannot be too cautious even if it results in his partner being offended by what she perceives as his lack of trust. Unfortunately, I do have a lot to worry about for a number of reasons. The link you provided from alternet. Once again, the reason men should be extreeeeeemely careful is because there are enough women out there who would lie about their contraceptive use combined with the fact that men have no recourse.
No questions asked. And to be fair, I believe most women would react the same.Pregnant Kylie Jenner Regrets Having A Baby With Travis Scott - Hollywoodlife
Why do you think that is? Actually, Chance, the way you claim you treat your girlfriend is shameful and insulting. That IS my argument. Not at all. You are choosing to blindly ignore that your girlfriend or any future girlfriend should be trusted. Evan has addressed this many times. I choose not to wear a bullet proof vest and strap a gun on my hip. Instead, I prefer to go about my business and remain aware of my surroundings, not putting myself in dangerous situations.
I equate that to someone taking their time getting to know someone, having conversations about not wanting children right now, and still using protection. Contrast that with some European countries that have sex ed curricula that covers things like relationship skills and how to navigate ethical considerations. But then again. Even though I agree that KK has been ignoring valid observations, in this case, she makes a very valid point.
On other threads Evan and I have described at length how suspicious, guarded and defensive women drive away quality men.
The same principle applies when the sexes are reversed. Dump him. The only way you can pull off something like that is if the woman never catches you doing it. And if you want to be surreptitious, I would have to recommend a vasectomy as being a lot less obvious.
This is just a second line of defense. Reminds me of how my girl friend had gotten pregnant around 20 y. And she was a high-IQ person!
KK — no, you changed your argument. You had been spending all of your energy denying that a material amount of women are willing to lie about their contraceptive use.
Dating while pregnant: What it's like to Bumble with a bump
Karl R — I agree with you to a point. I never changed my argument. I expounded on it in response to your comments. I never denied that some women are deceptive in that regard.
risk bringing a child into the world with a man I've only been dating for 2 months? or have an abortion and risk regretting it forever? Thanks for. I've just found out I'm pregnant. I'm 26 and have been seeing my boyfriend for only 3 months and have just found out I'm pregnant (we were v careful so. I'd love to hear your thoughts about dating while pregnant. Well, I was dating a nice guy for a couple months and it didn't work out. .. children, a man who you intend to coparent as friends, an ex husband and a man you are newly dating.
You and I just disagree on the amount of women who actually stoop to such disgraceful behavior. You appear to think otherwise, which is in line with your overall sentiments regarding women. No strategy here. Would you be willing to date a woman who treated you like a potential rapist? I have dated several women who were raped.
I have numerous other female and male friends who were also raped. None of them treated me like a potential rapist.
No day in court. No justice served. A long time ago I worked with a woman who was in a bad marriage that she knew would eventually end. They had one daughter, but my co-worker desperately wanted a 2nd child. So she got pregnant and when the younger daughter was 3 or 4, they wound up divorcing. In one of the situations, people warned the guy that they were suspicious the girlfriend was planning something.
I wonder if anyone else had a premonition like this about a friend they knew? Rape victims are not seen as idiots on the whole. She understands that I trust her. This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I strongly believe that women can read other women much better than men can and vise versa. Some women in their 30s or so, myself for example, have several children and are highly attractive.
I am way past normal childbearing age. I was in my late thirties when I became a father. I have zero desire to date a woman with young children. No woman was kind, smart, or hot enough to take on that task when I was younger, and there is no way that I would do it today.
going on Tinder and dating while pregnant was just the confidence boost and I didn't want to test my newly weakened gag reflex (thanks. After 4 months of dating him she became pregnant. He already has a child. Now she's trying to figure out how to deal with this situation. Your lady friend just told you she's pregnant. Don't panic. Here's how to respond to your girlfriend, hookup buddy, or complete stranger when.
Your comments here were very discouraging of this woman dating. But not all men will see the situation the way you do. I would hate for this woman, or any other woman in a similar situation who reads these comments, to read these comments and assume all men will see them this way. I left my own comment on this blog, detailing my success and happiness with dating while pregnant, and now with four children.
So, her pregnancy is a temporary condition, while her perception of herself is a problem that will last much longer. What jumped out at me was when she claimed that she has everything going for her.